Last updated: March 2026
by Jess Knauf, Director of Client Strategy at Mediate UK. Checked for accuracy by Belinda Atkins, Managing Director at Family Legal Ltd. Information reflects current family law and mediation requirements as of 25 March 2026.
Key Takeaways
- Your ex won’t agree child arrangements, you do not have to go straight to court. There are steps to try first.
- In most cases, you are legally required to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) before applying to court for a child arrangements order.
- Family mediation in London is often quicker, cheaper, and less stressful than court proceedings, and gives both parents more say in the outcome.
- If mediation does not work, or is not suitable, you can apply to the Family Court using a C100 form and a judge will decide the arrangements.
- The court’s primary focus is always the welfare of the child, not the preferences of either parent.
- London Mediation Service offers MIAMs and family mediation from offices in Waterloo, St Pancras, and Sutton, as well as online sessions.
What to do when your ex won’t agree on child arrangements
When your ex won’t agree on child arrangements, the recommended first step in London is to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to explore whether family mediation can help you reach an agreement. Mediation is quicker, cheaper, and less damaging to your co-parenting relationship than going to court. If mediation is not possible or breaks down without agreement, you can apply to the Family Court using a C100 form, and a judge will decide what arrangements are in the best interests of your child.
Your Ex Won’t Agree Child Arrangements in London
When your ex won’t agree on child arrangements, it can feel like you have hit a wall. You want to do the right thing for your children, but every conversation ends in an argument, or your messages are simply being ignored. It is one of the most frustrating situations separated parents in London face, and you are far from alone in it.
If conversations with your ex-partner tend to get heated, a free Co-Parenting Text Tone-Checker can help you reword a message before you send it, which often makes reaching an agreement in mediation much easier.
The good news is that you have options, and going straight to court is rarely the right first step. In this guide, we explain what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate on child arrangements, what the law says, how mediation in London can help, and what the court process looks like if things do need to go further.
Why Your Ex Might Not Be Agreeing (And Why It Matters)
People dig their heels in for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it is about control. Sometimes it reflects genuine concerns about the children’s welfare. Sometimes it is simply raw emotion in the early stages of separation, and positions soften with time and a little outside support.
Understanding the difference matters, because the route forward depends on what is actually going on. If there are genuine safeguarding concerns, mediation may not be appropriate and you may need legal advice as a first step. If the issue is more about communication breaking down, or deeply held but negotiable positions, mediation is usually the most sensible place to start.
In London, where many families are managing school catchment areas across different boroughs, complex work schedules, and the practicalities of living on opposite sides of the city, child arrangements disputes can be particularly layered. A mediator who understands the London context can help both parents find practical solutions that actually work day to day.
Step by Step: What to Do When Your Ex Won’t Agree
Step 1: Try to Communicate Directly First
Before involving anyone else, it is worth attempting calm, direct communication, ideally in writing so there is a record. A clear, non-accusatory message focused on the children’s needs rather than past grievances can sometimes open the door. Apps like Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents are designed specifically for co-parenting communication and help by keeping things factual and timestamped.
If direct communication is not possible due to ongoing conflict, harassment, or safeguarding concerns, move straight to Step 2.
Step 2: Attend a MIAM
A MIAM in London is a short, private meeting with a trained mediator where you discuss your situation and find out whether mediation could help. Under the Children Act 1989 and subsequent family procedure rules, you are required to attend a MIAM before applying to the Family Court for a child arrangements order, unless a specific exemption applies.
Your ex does not have to attend the MIAM with you. You each have your own individual meeting. The mediator will assess whether your case is suitable for joint mediation sessions and, if so, invite your ex to attend separately. If your ex refuses to engage, you will be issued with a MIAM certificate that allows you to proceed with a court application.
Use our MIAM eligibility checker if you are unsure whether you need one, or book a MIAM now through Mediate UK.
Step 3: Attend Family Mediation Sessions
If both of you are willing, family mediation gives you the chance to work through your disagreement with the help of a neutral, professionally trained mediator. The mediator does not take sides or make decisions for you. Their role is to help both of you communicate more clearly and work towards a practical arrangement that puts your children first.
Mediation is available in person at our offices in Waterloo (Central London), St Pancras (North London), and Sutton (South London), as well as online if you or your ex find it easier to join by video call.
Most child arrangements disputes are resolved in two to four sessions. Agreements reached in mediation can be recorded in a parenting plan or, for a legally enforceable document, referred to a solicitor to be drawn up as a child arrangements order by consent. Our full guide to child arrangements covers what these orders contain and how they are made.
“We see a lot of parents who arrive at mediation convinced that their ex is being completely unreasonable. Often, the first thing that shifts is the realisation that both parents are scared of the same thing: losing time with their children, losing a sense of control. Once that is out in the open, people are usually much more willing to talk. Mediation gives that conversation a safe and structured space to happen.”
Jess Knauf, Director of Client Strategy, Mediate UK
Struggling to agree on child arrangements in London?
London Mediation Service offers MIAMs and family mediation from offices across the capital and online. Start with a free 15-minute call to find out how we can help.
Step 4: If Mediation Breaks Down or Is Not Suitable
Mediation is not suitable in every case. If there has been domestic abuse, serious safeguarding concerns, or your ex simply will not engage, you can apply to the Family Court without completing mediation. Your MIAM mediator will confirm whether an exemption applies and provide the necessary certificate.
You can also proceed to court if mediation takes place but ends without a resolution. The mediator will again issue a certificate confirming that mediation was attempted but was unsuccessful.
Going to the Family Court in London: What to Expect
If court becomes necessary, you apply using a C100 form. This is the application for a child arrangements order, which sets out where a child lives and how much time they spend with each parent. Our guide to completing the C100 form walks you through the process in plain English.
Once an application is issued, the court will list a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA). A CAFCASS officer will usually carry out safeguarding checks on both parents and produce a short report for the first hearing. At the FHDRA, the judge will encourage both parents to reach an agreement. If that is not possible, the case continues to further hearings.
Throughout the process, the court applies the welfare checklist under section 1 of the Children Act 1989. The welfare of the child is the court’s paramount consideration. Neither parent’s wishes take precedence over that.
Court proceedings for child arrangements in London can take anything from several months to well over a year, depending on complexity and how congested the relevant court is. The process can also be emotionally and financially draining. That is why exhausting other options first is almost always worthwhile.
Family Law Service
Need Help Completing Your C100 Form?
If you need to apply to court for a child arrangements order, our sister service Family Law Service can help you complete the C100 accurately. You can also add CAFCASS preparation support to make sure you are ready for your first hearing.
What If Your Ex Refuses to Go to Mediation?
You cannot force your ex to attend mediation. However, their refusal does not prevent you from moving forward. If your ex declines the mediator’s invitation to participate, the mediator will note this and issue you with a certificate. You can then apply to court.
It is worth being aware that a court will take note of each parent’s willingness to engage in non-court dispute resolution. A parent who refuses mediation without good reason may not present particularly well to a judge. This is not something mediators or courts say to pressure anyone, but it is a practical reality that many parents find motivating.
In some cases, a shuttle mediation format can help when being in the same room is not possible. In shuttle mediation, you and your ex are in separate rooms, or on separate video calls, and the mediator moves between you. Our team at London Mediation Service can discuss this option with you at your initial MIAM.
How Shuttle Mediation Helped a Family in Hackney
A father in Hackney came to us after his ex refused any direct contact. She was willing to work with a mediator but not to be in the same room as him. We arranged shuttle mediation sessions, with each of them joining separately by video call. Over three sessions, they agreed on a regular contact schedule and a shared holiday arrangement. The father told us it was the first constructive conversation they had managed in almost a year.
Parenting Plans and Mediated Agreements
If mediation is successful, you and your ex can record what you have agreed in a parenting plan. This sets out the day-to-day arrangements for your children: where they live, contact schedules, how school holidays will be shared, and how you will handle decisions about education, health, and religion.
A parenting plan is not automatically legally binding, but it is a clear statement of what both parents have agreed to. If you want a legally enforceable document, a solicitor can convert the agreement into a consent order approved by the court. You can find out more about whether a parenting plan is legally binding in our detailed guide on the topic.
Summary
When your ex won’t agree on child arrangements, your first step is to attend a MIAM and explore whether family mediation can help. Mediation in London is usually faster, less expensive, and less adversarial than going to court, and gives both parents far more input into the final outcome.
If your ex refuses to engage, or if mediation does not resolve things, you have a clear legal route available: apply to the Family Court using a C100 form. The court will make a child arrangements order based on what is best for your children, using the welfare checklist under the Children Act 1989 as its guide.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I go straight to court if my ex won’t agree on child arrangements?
In most cases, no. You are required to attend a MIAM before applying to the Family Court for a child arrangements order. There are exemptions, for example if there has been domestic abuse or the case is urgent, but for the majority of disputes a MIAM is a legal requirement. Your mediator can confirm whether any exemption applies to you.
What if my ex refuses to go to mediation?
You cannot compel your ex to participate. If your ex declines the mediator’s invitation, the mediator will issue you with a MIAM certificate and you can proceed to make a court application. Courts do take note of a parent’s willingness, or unwillingness, to try mediation before going to court.
How long does family mediation take for child arrangements?
Most child arrangements disputes are resolved in two to four mediation sessions, each lasting around 90 minutes. Sessions are usually scheduled a few weeks apart. From your first MIAM to a signed parenting plan, the process typically takes between six and twelve weeks, though this varies depending on availability and the complexity of the case.
What does the court look at when deciding child arrangements?
The court applies the welfare checklist under the Children Act 1989. Key factors include the child’s wishes and feelings depending on their age, their physical and emotional needs, the ability of each parent to meet those needs, the likely effect of any change in circumstances, and any risk of harm. The welfare of the child is always the court’s paramount consideration.
How much does a MIAM cost in London?
MIAM fees vary between providers. At London Mediation Service, our MIAMs are competitively priced and may be covered in full or in part through the Government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme, which provides up to £500 towards the cost of mediation for eligible cases involving children. Ask about voucher eligibility when you book.
Can my children have a say in the arrangements?
Yes, and it is something we actively encourage where appropriate. In mediation, children’s views can be included through child inclusive mediation, where a specialist mediator meets separately with the child and feeds their perspective back to both parents. In court proceedings, CAFCASS will speak with older children and report their wishes and feelings to the judge. You can find out more in our guide to child inclusive mediation.
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Ready to Take the Next Step?
London Mediation Service offers family mediation and MIAMs at offices in Waterloo, St Pancras, and Sutton, as well as online. If your ex won’t agree on child arrangements, we can help you find a way forward without going to court.